this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
