Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
