You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
