I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Four minutes until I can fart!
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
