Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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