My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
