Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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