i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
