I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
