If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
