Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
