I can tuck mytits in my pants
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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