idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
did i walk over a car last night?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
