theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
