So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
