you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
