I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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