my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
