living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
