we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
