im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
