We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
