i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
