the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
