It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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