Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
