so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
