Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
