your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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