What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
did i just pee glitter
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
