Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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