Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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