Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
