I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
