I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
