he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
vagina is talking i cant
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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