my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
