allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
