Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
