tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
