listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
