i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I will pee on everything he values.
You made out with two different species that night
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
