FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
