I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Every concussion has its silver lining
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
