everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
