Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
