she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
