The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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