she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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