I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
