My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
