I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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