I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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