Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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