Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
