ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
