I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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