Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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