He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
