No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
