So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
