No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
