This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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