Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
