I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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