you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
