You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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