Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
