I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
