youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
