Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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