I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
