just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
