i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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