he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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